8.10.2008

Just Say No: Raver Pants

And now, a message to Victoria Bartlett of VPL:

SERIOUSLY VICTORIA???? THESE are the pants that you want people to wear? These damned sons of the JNCO and UFO pants of the past? What happened? Did you do a bunch of E and eat candy and then sat down at the drawing table? And if the ridiculous width of these pants wasn't bad enough, you go and put a giant X across the butt!! Why? THESE PANTS ARE SO CONFUSING! And then, you go and charge $495 for them? Why? Nobody looks good in these pants. It is impossible. This is the biggest crime against fashion I have come across in a really long time. These are even worse than Lindsay Lohan's leggings that feature padded knees.

Seriously my dear readers, the wide leg is making a comeback, and that's awesome, but unlike the secret competition that evolved amongst retailers and hipster kids alike to see who could have the skinniest jeans ever, the competition to have the widest leg can only turn into sorrow, and is surely a signal of the final plagues.

Think about it. Is THIS what you want the world to look like? I didn't think so. For shame, Victoria, for shame.

21 comments:

awesome andrea said...

HAHAAHAHAHAHAH

makemoremistakes said...

um. would i be branded as a criminal if i said i like those pants? because i do. hah.

Anonymous said...

not the best looking pants, true ... but at least the people wearing those candyraver hakami can f'king DANCE! the supertight jeans that're hip now seem to doom their wearers to eeking out pasty-white zombie-shuffles ...

Farren said...

I HATE those pants. Also, those denim ones like that with the chains on them? And the straps? UGH! Gives me creeps when I see someone wearing them. I don't see their appeal at all.

roxanne said...

those pants are pretty terrible. usually seeing clothes on a model, i have to think critically: "of course it looks great on her, but how will it look on me?" where do i even begin when it looks so bad on the model? and that x is just unfortunate.

elizabeth said...

umm...i will try to keep photos of me from late 1996- to early 1998 away from you.

i used to make my own pants.
they were so enormous it was insane.
one of them had enormous inserts that i made out of my childhoood carebear sheets.

yup.

angiesyounglover said...

JCNO!!!!! HOLY HELL. you could get LOST in these pants. seriously, walking down the street, you could sweep up a toddler and not know it til you got home and changed that evening. or a grown pre-teen! did you ever watch "all that" on nickelodian? whatever, anyway, kenan had a skit where he was this guy with "baggin' saggin' pants" and he would pull bikes out of them. that's what this reminds me of.

Isabel said...

Ravers are pretty entertaining, but those pants are fucking terrible.

Enfievre said...

we hate them now...but will we love them later?

laia. said...

ah elizabeth I can't believe you have a secret raver past!! carebear sheets? INSANE


enfievre: hmm.. i dont know that i can love them later. i just have a visceral reaction against them.

*h said...

OH NO! This shit has got to be stopped. I can't deal with this madness. You should be forced to listen to Korn if you buy these pants.

fitforafemme said...

This makes me very sad inside. Also, does Gap really get to market bell bottoms as the new, somehow more refined and sophisticated "Bell Jean"? Do they really? Because that billboard has been grating on my face ever since I first saw it, damn it.

THEY'RE STILL BELL BOTTOMS, YOU ASSHATS.

Anonymous said...

P.L.U.R.

MzPlurfection said...

Well... have you ever seen someone try to candy stomp in skinny jeans??? Looks effing terrible. youtube Moonboy from Hardstyle Republic. May the use of widelegs pants be made known unto you.


These are kind of huge though. I go for the 24" openings.. And brighter colors. These are too drab for my taste XD

phishcake5 said...

"at least the people wearing those candyraver hakami can f'king DANCE!" What its all about people...comfort and freedom of movement. Ever see someone who can really dance with a pair of those on? Flippin monkey magic.

Don't know about the rest of the folks in here elizabeth, but I for one would really enjoy an eyeful of your creations--especially the carebear rigs :)

phishcake5 said...

BTW, I do hope they come back at some point. I have about half a dozen pair of JNCO's in my closet but they won't last forever. And although I don't skate anymore, I'll dance till I dead).

Anonymous said...

i like baggy pants and i love pants with chains and straps. raver pants can be cool. i really like more towards the gothic and punk style. but theses pants look more like a failed atempt at raver pants. i mean, COME ON! what the hell is with the stupid X? those pants are just an epic fail....

Anonymous said...

I can honestly and sadly say that I came across this Blog because I have been asked to go all out at a rave and therefore considering the UFO raving pants, as opposed to the uber minishort and bra which leaves nothing for the imagination ugh! It seems no matter what i do for this party, its gonna be a fashion crime :(

Anonymous said...

Those pants are fucking adorable. I'd so rave in them if they where more colorful.

Anonymous said...

I typed in raver pants and your blog came up. It's so sad, but it's so true. My friend dresses in "rave attire" everyday and it just looks like he's lost his damn mind. This can help for the intervention he needs. haha.

Anonymous said...

What's sad is that you guys took time to flame these pants when i'm sure you never put a pair on, most people are scared of things, especially lifestyles they don't understand. They are comfortable, not to mention how cool it is when they light up at a party. Besides, it's slightly easier to find your friends in a crowd. Who wants to be exactly like everyone else? That's boring! Put some color in your life! you don't have to be on drugs to like these pants. They come in so many creative designs and patterns. open your minds a bit and stop criticizing peoples clothes for gods sake