11.20.2013

everything you write is a spell.

 
When you're immortal you don't have to wear a shirt.

Sometimes you can't write about things because if you do they'll become real like how when I was young and first falling in love I couldn't write about being in love because then suddenly I would BE in love and then I would be fucked. A self-fulfilling prophecies sort of thing. But then what if you take that information to make things happen like I will write about this so that happens-kinda thing. I don't think my witch powers are that advanced though. 

Thinking about forever. Forever. What is forever.

I watched Death Becomes Her last night. You would think I'd seen this movie before but I hadn't. It was not what I expected it to be, even though I did not actually know anything about what it was about beforehand. I love when Meryl Streep plays those super girly/catty characters like she does in She-Devil, another one of my favorite movies (and also on my queue so I'll probably watch it this weekend). Anyways so in this movie Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn become immortal. And then they die, but they're immortal so they're dead-alive. Not like a zombie but also sort of like zombie. Their heads break off their bodies but they can't die. I thought, I wonder how much smaller they would have to break for them to die, or would they die even if their bodies disappeared, would their souls still hang around. Is that what ghosts are?

How much smaller does it have to break for you to die?

Forever.

There's not really a forever though, I think it's mostly a "well, this far" sorta thing. I can say something like "CLUELESS 4-EVER", which I say often, because so far, every time I've watched that movie I've loved it and so I've watched it again. And I watched it again two nights ago, except this time I stopped it when she realizes she's in love with Josh. Love is and isn't and is forever.

It's mathematics you know? Studying patterns, that sort of thing. Except the pattern always breaks because the universe is imperfect. 

On Sunday night I thought about how forever is forgetting something not to forget it-forget it, but to be surprised and content when the memory unexpectedly pops up days or months or years later. Like a time capsule. But I was also thinking about forever as not writing things down, not saving them for posterity. Actions known by only the people involved and then those die with them, a shared memory. It seemed like forever to me as I was falling asleep which is when I thought those things.

I bought a new dress and I wore it two days in a row because I could. 
(That was forever for a little bit and then it wasn't).
It's freezing cold and I still wear leather leggings every day and probably forever.
(This is an accurate/literal forever, when forever means–the winter). 

It just really seems like it's going to be winter forever.



2 comments:

fashion nugget said...

loving your prose- filled blog ressurection, so hard

Lila said...

I love your style of writing! I found your blog through Rookie, and I can totally see why you write for them. I really get what you're saying about the concept of "forever" and the idea of writing things down to remember them. In recording what happens to us, do we create a memory that will last "forever", or do we take away from the "forever-ness" of the moment itself- maybe we should let it pass away with our own memories.